Truly Last Words.

I'll try to write in English, cause I want to believe that I could be better than now in my career, And of course, I don't trust you're so patience to try to read and get all of this things I have to tell (Yep. Here is me, one more time, making things harder to you).

The thing is that I think it's time to answer some questions...


Firstly, I want you know that I've payed special attention of what you've written, since the start. I know I'm the subject who you talk about. I've always understood everything. And I could be more friendly if you just have given me the chance, the time. Maybe you dreamed more than once that I could scream my love for you. That's your objective. But, you know, it's hard to me to make the first step, doing something like that, because every time you can, you act completely opposite than in your written words, talking more than you should about girlfriends and another stuffs you use to say without any prejudice and care. What could I do in those cases? What could you do if I pass hours talking to you about my last love? Cause let me tell you that I've loved someone else, too much, deeply. But different than you, I wouldn't give you more details. I can respect your "feel" about me, and I know how it hurts to be left behind.

I haven't answered you directly, and this is nether  the occasion. I've tried to give you clues to tell you that I don't believe in your "always" and "forever's". My short life has teached me that all around me is relative, even you. People, more than anything, is complicated and relative. In many times, you shown could be so much twisted that I thought. Sometimes I think you're a scared boy. Sometimes I think you really enjoy lying to me, making me feel like this. Unprotected, disappointed, sad, scared and without hopes. But I'm sure of only one thing: I don't want to be near someone complicated. I need the simplicity of the truth. I need confidence, no more masks.

Finally I'll make you now that you have no idea of how many pain you have done inside of me. I've had gray days and nights without sleeping. I wanted to believe you, seriously, cause I hate to be one more day in loneliness. I hate don't have someone to hug, someone who clean my tears at the end of a nightmare. Now I look at my self and I can recognize that there are many things in my life that have changed. Things that doesn't work anymore. How can I get back my security? I'm feel sleazy, I'm feel tired, after your passive aggressive bullshit. 

My friends told me you're not for me. But I preferred to give you the chance to make me know it... although, you didn't take it. So, may be in this case they were right.

For a long time I've been in a psychological and sentimental trouble, which is now getting physiological. My trembling body can't hide this for too much time. I'm scared about my ability to control it. I don't want to get mad, and you're not helping in anyway.

One day I'm going to disappear from your life, definitely. I can't keep on stand at the same time that I'm remembering your numbed face and your hollowed words. So be happy there, in that little town where we met some innocent day. Be as happy as you had knew always. Keep smiling and joking in that easy way that you have to do it very well. Meanwhile, I'll try to stay fronting my little wars, looking for new meanings of live, for a real fount of happiness, a real fount of love.

This is all I have to say.
It's not what you would like to hear.
But It's just what you deserve.