A matter of time

Today I feel pathetic.

Trying to turn to the most atractive of myself, my experiences just if any of them calls your damned attention to me.

Last time I called you sounded just so bothered by me... I could feel every boored vibration of your lazy voice. Was it too late... was it just me.

You know now I can't stop it, I CAN'T STOP THINKING.

And I'm just listening to Tchaikovsky to canalyze this stream of fire inside of me... everytime I feel you.

It's terrible.

It's been just so many years.

It's been so much time now that I feel I rather die alone if not beside you.

I'll never going to force you. Instead I'll keep trying.

Not sure if talking to you or take myself somewhere near the places you usualy wonder and for that I guess I'll need some medication. This anxiety gets worst as I aknowledge how long have I tried but you never look at me.

Or I may sell some stuff and get far away from this country and when you just realize I'm leaving you again you would try to stop me... or follow me.

But it's a matter of time... before you fall in love deeper and deeeper with someone else, and her to become your fiance, and you to become a father, and create this beautiful, perfect family without me.

Look how old have we become... it's just a matter of time.

Will I end like my elder brother? Trying to grab my shit and run away the day I'm told you don't love me? Meet someone else that'll never reach your potential and end up getting stuck in a shitty relationship just to be bussy trying to forget your God damned smile, oh that smile of you...

Tonight this stream of thoughts are running wild into my mind while I'm watching another picture of you and I'm so embarrased and sorry for this.

I can't handle it anymore.

I'm powerless.