Friday I'm alone

"you're not okay", my colleague told me. She said that when they asked me 'bout how I felt on bringing my bf to my home in case he got a job here. Sometimes I don't control my facial expressions, so I assure you guys... I didn't need to talk to say that I had my concerns about it.

"If you were trully in love, you'd look happy now". Clearly, that was not the case, though it's not that I feel exactly the opposite. It's just I have some... concerns.

Last time we had issues to solve he deleted me and my sister from facebook. Even though we make sexual 'peace' he haven't send me a request again. It's weird. It's none sense, but I kinda feel like it doesn't bother me too much. Like I feel it's even a favor to me... to have some "virtual" space...

I don't know what's going on with my life... with this relationship... With my feelings, my memories and these concerns that came up after that day. I just wanna be fine... No trouble. Just fine. However it works.

But I feel shame on myself. Dissapointment. I should be fulfilled nowadays. I got a job... I earn some good cash and I got a kind of hot guy to hang out with... It's just that I never thought about the problems I would find in the meantime...

And there's him, who doesn't wanna leave me behind.

And I'm the worst on trying to ignore him.

I feel stupid. Like... CAN YOU JUST TAKE ME SERIOUSLY OR JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?

Srsly dude... it's hell when he approaches like the friendly guy who comes up randomely and texts me the entire day and then just goes away where he belongs... with that (or those) tiny girl with probably a hotter body than mine...

He's playing the game. That endless game.

And I either wanna go AFK. Like... Forever. Or destroy him. In bed.

Who knows.